Ra-Hoor-Khuit Network's
Magickal Library
Yoga
The Chalice of Ecstasy
Being a Formula of Open-ended Initiation
Suited for this AEon
Based upon a merger of the Tree of Perfection
with the Cup of Babalon
under the Auspices of Jupiter
Promulgated by Frater PVN,
Master of Forbidden Alchemies
-->by no Authority, other than his own<--
During 3 different opera during the first pentad of Arachnae of this
year (May 16-21, 1984 e.v.) the fleeting images which usually follow VIIIo
orgasm were `blacked-out' by an overwhelming vision which began with Don
Karr's Tree of Perfection. In earlier work with his Tree, there had been
a strong tendency for it to `evolve' gradually (yet purpose- fully) into
the Jovian Tree of expansion (Kether=Pluto, Chokmah=Uranus, Neptune=Binah,
Daa"th=Jupiter,Chesed=Venus, Geburah=Mercury, Tiphereth= Sol, Netzach=Mars,
Hod=Saturn, Yesod=Luna), with an ensuing melt-down of the
Paths into marbelized colored wax matrix as Jupiter went `Nova' and became
a star. The meltdown of the Paths `imbedded' the Sephiroth into the
`backdrop' of the Universal continuity, while interconnecting each sphere
to every other sphere by all the Paths.
But in these 3 opera, the transition was abrupt & without any hint of
progression (like switching energy states by means of a quantum leap).
What happened next was common to all 3 visions, but the detail of
resolution of the vision has improved with repetition.
First: Jove/Daa"thgoes `nova' & becomes a self-luminous body. Its color
is Royal blue rayed with filaments of fine orangey gold which emmanate as
fine spider-webbed strands from the center of the Sphere & progressively
become twisted snake-like pseudopods which extend beyond the boundary of
the Sphere of Daa"thto touch the marbelized back-drop of Paths (very
lightly, like a spider testing her web for distant thrummings).
Second: The sun turns brilliant lemon-yellow with a network of royal
purple strands (much like Jove's strands, but much finer in texture).
Luna becomes a grail-shaped crescent of electric ultra-violet. Saturn
becomes so black it looks more like a void than a color. Mars becomes a
bright blood-red. Venus becomes an iridescent Kelly green while Mercury
becomes a rich glowing psychedelic pumpkin orange.
Third: The Tree then begins to fold over itself & take on a palpable
three-dimensionality. The upper 4 Sephiroth fold outward, so that the
plane which defines them lies perpendicular to the axis of the Tree. Each
of these 4 spheres becomes an iridescent narcotic gemstone on the rim of
a celestial chalice. Kether becomes a brilliant white star (Sothis),
Uranus becomes a `justified' higher vibration of Mercury (feminine
emphatic androgyne whose anus has been filled with the semen of his
children) & becomes a shining pearl [i.e., Uranus who ate his children
becomes your-anus who receives the seed of his children in joy]. The
sterile mother at Binah becomes the three-pronged transmitter of the
energies of the Trident of Set. Each of her prongs is tipped with a jewel
(ruby, emerald & a royal blue stone) of the same crystaline composition.
Sol becomes the point at which the bowl of the chalice joins the stem.
Venus & Mercury become twin serpents which emmanate from Sol (like
distended sperm) & encircle the inner surface of the bowl 3-1/2 times The
between Sol & the rim of the cup. Looking down on the rim, Mercury
spirals deosil & touches the rim twixt Jove & Uranus; Venus spirals
widdershins & meets the rim twixt Sothis & Neptune. Sol then elongates
into a pillar of yellow fire with a surface network of royal purple
`veins' which distends downward to touch the Lunar Crescent. The Lunar
Crescent then moves up thru the Sun & into the bowl of the chalice, where
it atomizes into a vaporous electrical dew, the color of the light
transmitted by a Wratten 18A filter (infra-red + ultra-violet, with no
visible light transmitted). Saturn & Mars move inward to stand beside the
pillar of fire like the red & black testicles of the Maha lingam. The
marbelized paths become the shell of the body of the chalice -- providing
passive background support & communication among all of the Sephiroth.
The rim of the chalice then begins to vibrate (like a wet finger rubbed
along the rim of a crystal goblet filled with fine wine) as a `mating
call' to those who would drink from the cup of initiation. The black
Saturnian testicle represents the in-drawing of sexual power during
periods of silence, while the red Martial testicle represents the outward
surge of spontaneous orgasm during periods of speech. The golden phallus
transmits both of these energies to the cup of Babalon, where it is
structured & directed by the twin haploid lion-serpents (Mercury & Venus)
within the menstruum of the trans-Abysal Lunar `fluid', called Purpura of
Ghee -- a specialized form of Azoth. The royal road (purple network on
the solar Maha-Lingam) absorbs a portion of the Purpura of Ghee for the
education & enlightenment of the red and black testicles (whose Office is
to wear masks of imbalance upon the outer).
Who (Hu?) is to drink from this chalice of ecstasy? Certainly not he
who channeled its contents thru the Spheres of the outer Order. Certainly
not she who refined the elixir by means of the feminine & masculine
principles of Alchemy and concentrated it within the cup of Babalon. We
are often warned of the dire consequences if the Whore of Babalon drinks
from her own cup. Who is to drink from this Chalice? Is it reserved for
the Gods alone, or are there also certain classes of mere mortals who may
safely imbibe its contents as well?
The Whore of Babalon shares her cup with all, for she knows that no man
may taste of its hidden delights save thru the purity of his heart & the transparency
of his soul. The contents of her cup is the Elixir of
Immortality of the Gods, yet it may be drunk by anyone who is Fool enough
to actively seek initiation.
The rim Sephiroth are transmitters/emitters of energy and modes of
specialization. Drink from each in turn, or all at once. The serpents
channel, temper, & skulpt the energy of the cup in accord with Will.
Their venom is deadly, while their kiss is ecstasy. The aspirant is the
Dove who descends upon the cup from beyond the microcosm of the Alchemist.
He (the dove being active in approach to the Cup is masculine, while the
cup of the Chalice is Feminine) bears the host (the army of his un-tempered desires & un-tested aspirations) as a token `payment' for a taste
of the dew of immortality. The host transforms the cup even as the Dove
is transformed by her, for initiation is rarely one-way.
* * *
More details gained while in half-awake state after a phone call awoke
me this morning (23 May,`84). I was drifting back to sleep when images of
the Chalice of Ecstacy worked their way into my consciousness. I saw that
the black & red scrotal Sephiroth were concentrations derived from the
Jachin/Boaz pillars of the old Tree. The black sphere of Saturn embodies
the essence of Jachin (God makes him firm) as the outer symbol for the
formula of karezza. In this formula, the male ejaculatory current is
reversed & repeated stimulation causes a Saturnian in-drawing of vital
essence from the trans-Abyssal cup to nourish the Will. The red sphere of
Mars is the embodiment of Boaz (eagerness, strength) which represents the
spontaneous & auto-motive orgasm which is beyond the conscious control of
the Alchemist. Together they symbolize the formula of IT (the un-manifest
& manifest phallus) -- see Crowley's comments on the Book of Lies.
I then began to see the Chalice on other levels. The Chalice of
Ecstacy is the fruit of the Tree of initiation which is also a map of the
esoteric nervous system of the Magus. To those `outside' of the Magus's
Universe, the Chalice appears very feminine & passive (for they are unable
to perceive the dynamic Yin/Yang inner workings of the scrotum & Lingam).
The aspirant is the male dove who comes to drink the nectar of
transformation. Thus, the members of the outer Order are men, while the
aspirants to the inner Order are women.
Those who have attained to the inner Order embody both the Masculine
virtues of the Outer Order, & the Feminine virtues of the Second Order.
The members of the trans-Abyssal Third Order seek always for further
initiation. They work continuously to integrate new initiations into the
fabric of their beings. They are ever ready to offer what they have to
those aspirants who desire to drink of their Cup. The members of the
Third Order are divine gynanders -- those feminine emphatic androgynes who
embody the quintessence of the Alchemical Marriage. The substance of
their Chalice is their uniqueness which sets each of them apart from other
members of the Third Order. The contents of the Chalice is a distillation
of Azoth -- the Universal Solvent. The body of the Alchemist must be inert
to to the actions of the Purpura of Ghee, else it will dissolve in ecstasy & cease to manifest as a unique entity. However, the Alchemist seeks
always to expose h-im/er-self to the Azoth of other Chalices in the hope
that s/he may attain dissolution. The dynamic balance of the testicles of
Jachin & Boaz are crucial to this on-going task.
The developing symbolism in these visions is wondrous to me, yet its
practical application seems so obvious to me that I feel I must be missing
something. But, in the interest of completeness, allow me to belabor the
obvious.
The lower 2 spheres are a specialized application of the energies of
Mars & Saturn to the task of Sexual Alchemy using the formulae of IT &
Solvae et Coagula. The Golden phallus of Tiphareth is the ego of the
Alchemist made firm thru divine inspiration & nourished by the absorption
of a portion of the elixir thru the purple nerve-net over its external
surface. The body of the chalice is the pyramid of the Master, turned
inside-out to offer the dew of immortality to all, rather than secreting
it away like a black brother. The twin lion-serpents (Mercury & Venus)
are the active (initiate) masculine & feminine components of the Alchemist
which act as independent self-motivated agents of the aspiring Ego (the
Star in its go-ing). The supernals (including Daa"th) delineate the
specialized nature of the cup of initiation which the Magus offers to the
world (i.e., h-is/er specialized Magickal Current), while the Chalice is
filled with the Universal solvent which initiates all who dare to imbibe
it. The Chalice is the glyph for both the Wand & the Cup. Its rim is
studded with the four elements and is thus the embodiment of the
integrated Magickian. The Chalice is both the Tree of Life & the Cup of
Babalon. It is the 3rd Order's symbol for that which is called the Rosey-Cross by the Second Order. Aspirants to the Third Order are warned never
to drink from the Cup of Babalon, yet the Magi of the Third Order subsist
almost exclusively upon its contents.
Because of the universal nature of the Chalice's elixir, an aspirant
will rarely become a Master in the image of his initiator. The contents
of the Chalice is the precursor to information (DNA, initiation into a
specific Magickal Current, etc.), rather than information itself. Purpura
of Ghee is infinitely transmutable by the Will of the aspirant in his
journey from student to Ipsissimus, and is (in this AEon) not influenceable by the Will of the initiator.
This is a radical departure from previous AEons in which the Master
dictated & controlled the development of initiation within the body/soul
of the Aspirant. In the previous AEon, the formula for the Master was the
pyramid, symbolizing the containment & the metering-out of the elixir of
immortality. The primamry vice of Masters who work the formula of the
pyramid is Simony -- the restriction of initiation for personal gain
(acquisition of wealth; consolidation of power over others who posses
contrary world-views; centralization & control-over prophesy/inspiration; and the promulgation of unimpeachable dogma). The restriction of
initiation to pre-defined channels profits the power elite at the expense
of the Magickal Current itself. Corruption of the Alchemical Chalice is
the universal result of misapplication of the formula of the Pyramid. A
sure sign of such corruption is the silencing of those who question
authority (censorship of non-traditional views, excommunication of
heretics or removing them from positions of authority, or {in extreme
cases} torture & murder of those who dare to ignore the promulgations of
the power elite.
Those whose Will is to work with the Chalice of Ecstasy have vowed to
release all aspirants from any/all requirements of patriotic fealty to us
personally, to the Will of our particular Current, and to any dogmas
associated with our Magickal Path. As initiators, we are an open channel
of inspiration for all who drink from our cup. We may offer specialized
initiations &/or courses of training, but it is up to each seeker to make
of these initiations what he will. We do our Will consciously and with
full responsibility for all of our actions and our non-actions. We do not
hide our ignorance behind the veil of secrecy, neither do we play the role
of humble servants who do but `follow the Will of the Secret Chiefs'.
Obligations between any student or neophyte & any Master or Magus are
always open to discussion, and can have no `hidden strings' attached to
them.
But this does not mean that Masters are obligated to devote their lives
to training students with no recompense. Workers in any field of endeavor
(be it magick, medicine, architecture, or aught else) are deserving of
compensation for their efforts. An under-study, chela or apprentice must
expect to carry-out certain tasks &/or pay certain fees in exchange for
training. As in more mundane apprenticeships, the exact nature of the
exchange is open to discussion at any point along the Path.
Apprenticeship training replaces the life-long indentured servitude to
enshrined Dogma which has long been the hallmark of the pyramidal
centralization of power practiced in the previous AEon.
Magical Orders which continue to be based upon the closed systems of
the previous AEon will undoubtedly oppose our efforts to cause the pyramid
to flower. As we find more & more ways to drink from their cups of
initiation without becoming bound to their obligations, our success will
be a proof to all who are drawn to us.
There are those who claim that it is not possible to drink from any cup
of initiation of the previous AEon without being bound to its obligations.
They choose to discard all ties with the pyramidal Orders in order to
forge links of their own with the inner Order. In some cases, it may not
be possible for individuals to absolve themselves of their obligations to
repressive Orders without abnegating all initiation in the process.
However, in most instances the ingenious initiate is fully capable of
freeing h-im/er-self from the restrictive bonds of pyramidal Orders
without breaking any oaths. The demonstration of the proof of this
theorem is left as an exercise for those who aspire to Mastership thru the
use of this formula.
Previous AEons have been governed by a LOGOS, or Word which when
uttered by the Ipsissimus of the AEon served to mold all Currents of that
AEon to the pattern of the LOGOS. The previous AEonic formula was that of
Patriarchy. Assertion of the right of man to rule woman was practiced in
China as much as it was by the Church of Rome. The Matriarchal AEon
before that was little different, save in the `flavor' of its Dogma.
However, in this AEon, those who have thus far attained the right to utter
the LOGOS of the AEon have refused to do so. Those who have become
Masters in this AEon are therefore bound to no particular AEonic formula,
but are free to work with whatever formula(e) is/are aligned with the
Current which it is their Will to transmit/reify.
At this nexus of Space/Time/Alternity there is healthy competition
among myriad non-exclussive AEonic formulae, with much cross-fertilization among heretofore
contradictory Currents. But cross-initiation is
strictly voluntary and is not necessitated by the LOGOS of this AEon.
Specialized Currents often require isolation & silence to incubate in
fullness. During incubation, they may appear to be practicing the diseased isolation of the black
brothers. However, such may not be the case.
Only time & the success or failure of a particular formula can attest to
its efficacy. We are in an AEon where everyone can aspire to his/her own
LOGOS. Let us do so in concert with all of our fellow Magi.
finis.
Here begins the entry in Frater OTz PTN--690/PVN's Magickal Record for
TUESDAY the 08th Day of MAY, 1984 e.v.,<JULIAN DAY No.2,445,829.06> Moon
being 8.0 Days old. [1:30pm]
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.
On my little excursion the other night I met a deer. It may have been
a stag, but I am not sure because I think that the stags lose their horns
this time of year. It was on the road & I stopped the car. We sniffed
each other out & touched noses, before the deer decided that it had better
things to do.
My meeting with the deer was exhilarating, but did little to quiet my
restlessness. When I returned from the store, I went to bed.
Not much dream memories on Sunday morning, except at the very end of my
sleep. My dream crystal had gone-off by itself & was inaccessible to my
physical self. I `found' the crystal (on Monday night) wedged between my mattress
& the wall -- in a place where I know I had searched for it a few
days earlier. Now that it has returned from its journey. I now have
regained much strong consciousness of my dream life. I often wonder where
crystals `go' when they seemingly evaporate from this reality. Oh Shinnah
says they are `hiding', but I feel that there is more to the mystery than
simple pranks. Such mysteries need more information. In the meantime,
here is what I remember of my Sunday morning dream.
In my dream I was on the sandy shore of a great sea. Long grass grew
in the sand. There was an old temple, seemingly abandoned, surrounded by
unkempt lawns & gardens. Wild goats grazed the grass & a stag (the one I
met on the way to town?) stood off on a nearby hilltop. I attempted to
walk to the temple, but the grass restrained my legs & prevented me from
approaching any closer. The restraint was not the mindless tangle of
earthly vegetation, but the cooperative effort of many simple minds
working cooperatively for a distinct purpose (like ants or cluster flies).
The grass did not halt me when I retreated back to the shoreline.
Then I noticed that whenever a goat entered the sea, it turned into a
fish -- not all at once, but front to back. The goat would go to the edge
of the water & kneel its forelegs down & put its face & front end in the
water. As the wet portions turned into a fish, it would thrust-off from
the beach with its hind legs (like a man launching a dingy from a beach) &
complete the transition. The entire operation was both fast & smooth,
with no awkwardness or hesitation. All that was left of the goat was a
beard & curly horns on the fish.
Fish were also coming out of the sea. First they would approach the
beach from underwater & beach themselves with their heads held high out of
the water. As the gentle waves retreated from their bodies, their heads &
forelegs became those of goats. The goats would then pull themselves onto
the beach with their forelegs & (once out of the sea) the transition would
be completed. Although the goats & fish were of vastly different size,
the transition did not look in the least bit ludicrous or implausible.
These goat-fish reminded me more of Neptune than of Capricorn as I
watched their actions. I then remembered Don's Tree & its attribution of
Neptune to Binah. I wished I could remember which 3 Paths accessed this
Realm in Don's system so I could look for clues of the gateways.
I looked up at the Sea & saw a far-off island with a mountain of
crystal enshrouded in mists. A large metallic gold Trident seemed to
`grow' out of the peak of the mountain like some sort of Atlantean sky-scraper. The symbol reminded me of the "Wealth Crystalizes the Humm / the
Humm Crystalizes Wealth" sigil I have been using in my VIIIo workings.
I was intrigued by the island & wanted to journey there to explore it,
but (since other mysteries lay closer to hand) I was far more interested
in getting to the abandoned temple. Somehow I knew that I was responsible for holding myself back from reaching it. I somehow felt `to blame'
for its state of disrepair & abandonment. The state of the temple
grounds was particularly disturbing to me. I knew I needed peace within
myself before further exploration would be possible, so I sat down to
discover answers thru meditation.
As I sat down in the grass to meditate on my place in all of this, the
grass gently picked me up & transported me to the entranceway of the
temple. In some ways, I felt honored to be treated so regally by the noble
grass, yet I also somehow expected such treatment because of my rank <"&
the angels bear him up, lest he dash his foot against a stone">.
As I was borne to the temple on the backs of the grass, I became more &
more at peace with myself. I was still troubled by why I should feel
responsible for a place which I had never seen before, so I followed the
thread of my disease.
At first I thought that my link with this temple might be cause-&-effect via my physical home -- that is to say, I felt that this place was
allegorical of the state of disrepair & lack of maintenance which I
accord to my physical dwelling. But I somehow felt that the link was not
so straight forward. Somehow the 2 temples are analogous, but neither is
allegorical of the other.
It is not my present task to maintain the earth (physical plane) at
this nexus of Space/Time, for I am a storyteller whose task is to explore
the realms of vision & report-back to the rest of the race -- but this
could change in an instant if I chose to undertake a different aspect of
the Great Work. The apparent crumbling of both of these temples is but an illusion
based upon a skewness to my perspective. Even as I look at both
temples more closely (for I can perceive both levels of reality at once),
their integrity seems more wholesome & I am more & more at peace with the
dance of Maya.
I am in an open temple -- not much more than a courtyard paved with large stones, with widely-spaced pillars supporting a high vesica shaped
roof. Near the center of the temple (at one of the elipse's foci) stands
a very large shallow grail (like a large birdbath {aprox.5 ft. across}
made of polished stone {black marble veined gold) balanced on a short pedestal shaped like a golden mushroom. The cup is far too large &
unwieldy to lift, but it nonetheless has a pair handles made of goat horn.
As I approach the cup, it appears to be filled to the brim with a seething effervescent
broth which both attracts and repels me at the same time.
As I focused on why I should not drink the potion (the contents of the
cup of Babalon is not for consumption by mortal men), the more I wanted to
drink of it. It smelled sweet & invigorating & I somehow knew that this
cup contained the dew of immortality.
But the more I focused on why I should drink the brew (this is my dream & I can do whatever I please in my own fantasy world), the more repulsive
the cup became. Its contents smell of vomit & decay and I saw both
maggots & turds floating on its surface.
The goats & the stag were watching me curiously from the perimeter of
the temple. I looked toward the stag & noticed that he was standing by a
circular staircase which wound around one of the columns up to the roof.
I looked up at the high roof & saw that directly over the grail was a
yonic opening decorated with pearls.
I climbed the stairs & walked out on the high roof. A gentle breeze
was blowing & the whole temple swayed <I always find it remarkable that my
`normal' extreme vertigo & acro- phobia is completely absent in most
dreams.> I went to the edge of the yoni (it was even more ornately
decorated along the top edge) & knelt at a kind of bench which suspended
me over the hole.
The bench has padded depressions for my knees & elbows. The whole
affair pivots with changes in my body weight to shift me from a kneeling
position at the edge of the hole, to hanging face-down over the center of
the hole. I knew that the bench responds to the slightest shift in my
center of gravity & is therefore much more attuned to my Will than my
conscious actions (much like a dowser's forked stick or pendulum). I knew
that my Will would either bring me back to the safety of the roof, or dump
me into the grail (from a height of 100 meters), and my conscious fears
&/or struggles would only hinder my chances of survival.
So I relaxed & enjoyed the view. The grail was tiny below me, yet I
could still see it quite clearly. Its roiling contents looked absolutely
repulsive. Yet, the odor drifting up to me was absolutely enchanting. I
knew that if I closed my eyes, the seductive quality of the odors would
lure me to `let go' and I would slide down into its depths. Such a fate would not really be very terrible, for the intoxication of being the cup
is a great reward for those who seek a release from the trials &
tribulations of this world. However, I have much I still need to explore,
& release from my task is not my Will at this point in time.
Then I remembered Jason & how he was able to listen to the sounds of
the Sirens & live. I stared at the hell broth & focused on its repellant
nature & my revulsion quickly shifted the bench out of the orifice & back
up to the roof. I took off my traveler's pack & used its straps to secure
my legs to the bench. Then I allowed myself to shift forward over the hole
once again. I closed my eyes & drank-in the narcotic allure of the grail
with my nose. I felt myself slipping forward, but I no longer cared
whether I lived or died. I simply sought union with the object of my
desire. When I felt the tug of the straps around my ankles, I knew that
my scheme had worked. I hang suspended between the worlds.
Behind my closed eyelids I saw a mist. Fleeting images scampered by at
the direction of my unconscious urgings. I tried an experiment. I
`projected' the Cheshire cat from Alice onto the mist. The face appeared
first, then the rest of its body. The cat spoke to me "Ah Dodson, it has
been a long time hasn't it?" I chuckled & the cat became startled when it
realized that I was not Dodson. It then peered at me intently & turned
into the hookah smoking catipilar who asked "Who are you?" I smiled back &
returned the question "Yea, verily HU??" (by this time, I was quite giddy
from the fumes of the grail below & was quite willing to make puns on who/HU in order to test the caterpillar's reactions).
The caterpillar was not pleased at my blasphemic punning & began to
menace me with venomous mandibles. I opened one eye to superimpose the
image of the grail upon the caterpillar. He shrieked in terror & begged be
to close my eye, lest he plunge to extinction. I acquiesced he became
most intrigued at how I managed to maintain that precarious position of
illusion.
I chuckled & told him of how I tied my ankles to the bench. He was most
impressed & gave me a token whereby I might pass thru the realm of the red
queen un-molested. [the token looked like one of those brass coins used
at video arcades instead of real money to minimize pilfering.] He then
offered me a bit of the mushroom which he was sitting on. [I placed it
into my flask to add to my in-vitro entheogens for the up-coming
gathering.]
He asked me again who I was & I told him that I had many names in many
places, but did not really know how to answer him in a way which would not
be misleading. It was the caterpillar's turn to chuckle now. He looked
deep into my soul & saw that I was indeed a Thelemic pilgrim on a nameless
quest. He then took on the form of the Cheshire cat once again & declared that I must be one of the wizards of Oz he has heard so much
about.
Then I awoke in my bed, with only scant memories of the dream. It is
amazing how the writing of a dream will cause me to re-live it & thereby
aid me to retell it. The peculiar weave of tenses from past to present &
back to past again in retelling the tale is an indication of the complex
weave of retelling the tale & re-living it. The weave would be even more
complex had I not consciously attempted to keep it all `in the past'. Were
this a proper story (rather than a diary entry) I would probably re-write
the whole tale in the present tense to add immediacy & impact for the
reader.
Experiencing of dream while awake is most unlike the dream while
asleep. While asleep, each conscious choice opens certain possibilities,
while closing others (either I swam to the trident mountain or I went to
the temple of the grail, but not both at the `same' time), but in my
wakeful state, I can see that all pathways remain open no matter which set
of choices I make at any given juncture. Each dream is infinite & what I
report in this record is but the smallest fragment of what has actually
transpired. I follow those threads which seem most interesting or the
most entertaining. But all alse is equally valid.
Structured initiation seems to be involved with making a continuous set of choices leading to a particular `goal' (usually predetermined by
tradition or the guidance of an external guide). At the moment, I have no
particular goal in sight. I simply explore -- & create in my
explorations. On one level I know that immersion in the grail means an
end of my consciousness. Yet, on another (equally valid) level I know
that the grail is simply a portal (possibly one-way) to another world
(possibly another Sephiroth). For now, I use the power of this Grail to
reify dreams, but soon I must use it to bring such dreams back to this
plane so that I can continue my work without interference.
* * *
Here begins the entry in Frater OTz PTN--690/PVN's Magickal Record for
WEDNESDAY, the 09th Day of MAY, 1984 e.v.,<JULIAN DAY No.2,445,829.11>
Moon being 8.05 Days old. [2:35pm]
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.
Troubled night with tumultuous dreams. Even though I feel worn-out &
bedraggled, I do feel better. Fear of wrestling with a dragon is always
so much worse than the actual wrestling match. Dream images lack full
clarity, but they feel powerful. I shall dip back down into them to see
what I can draw-forth
I am in a very large mansion (which is also a fancy hotel) with Anne &
a man whom I do not know. He is a friend (or lover) of Anne's. I am
somewhat uncomfortable for Anne seems to want me to leave, yet she also
wants mo to stay. We are in a huge bathroom with a bath tub enclosed with
glass doors. The tub is big enough for several people. Anne does not
want me to bathe with her, yet she keeps telling me that I need to take a
bath & I "had better hurry".
I see a second bathtub. It appears to belong to the people at the
health club next door. I begin to close the door to the health club (for
solitude & for quiet when a brown pussycat wants to come in. I fear a
fight between this cat & Beezelbub (our cat) so I continue to close the
door. A young man assures me that their mascot is very friendly & will
cause no problems. I let the cat in.
In another aspect of the dream I am talking with one of the permanent residents of this house. He is a stereotypical English Lord of some sort.
He asks me what connection I have to "the family". I tell him that we
share a common ancestor & that my father's uncle is his uncle's father.
He looks a bit bewildered & then beams at me & exclaims that I must be
related to the "ship's Pharoh", by which he means the ancient ship
chronometer which has been missing for quite a number of years.
Although I do not see how I can be a descendant of a clock, I reply in
the affirmative (for it does have a ring of truth to it).
In the big bathroom is a large glass bell, made of a thick blue glass
which makes a marvelous tone when struck with a leather headed wooden
mallet. The bell is shaped like a squid & is about 4 ft. long. When I
am preparing my bath (on the athletic club's side of the bathroom) I see
that someone (Anne??) has made a mess of the big bath tub. All the glass
panels are askew & water is leaking everywhere. I attempt a fix, but I
really do not understand how the various panels & curtain rods go together.
Anne is upset with me for attempting to fix "her project". I leave her to
her own devices to take my bath. I am saddened by our interactions, but
am unable to find a workable solution other than steering clear of her
until she does what needs doing.
I find a second glass bell like unto the first. But this one has a
broken mouth & has been drilled out to accept various electric wires &
lamp fixtures. This bell is sentient & is vicious towards me. It keeps
biting me about the hands. I find a stick & place in in the bell's mouth
to give it something to chew on. Its viciousness subsides. Perhaps it
was only teething.
I am down by the waterfront in a poverty neighborhood frequented by
sailors, smugglers, hookers, & cut-purses. It is foggy. I cannot see the
water, although I hear it lapping against the nearby pier. I am here to
meet a sailor who may have information about the ancient chronometer which
I seek. I describe the device to him without naming it.
"It is a squat vertical cylinder made of brass sitting on a
platform meant to be bolted in place in the wheelhouse. It
is covered by a deep parabolic glass dome to protect it from
the weather. It has no clock hands like a modern chronometer, but has a series of perforated metal disks thru which
one sights the stars. The perforated disks are attached to
the vertical side of the central cylinder tangent to its
curved surface."
The sailor immediatly knew that I was describing the Pharoh. He had
once (long ago) been on the ship which relied on the Pharoh to guide it,
but the ship had sunk. He thought the Pharoh had been taken off the wreck
& brought to Castle Trident atop the crystal mountain.
The sun had been rising as we spoke. The mists began to clear & I saw
the island from my previous dream.
I knew where I was & I knew that I was in dreamland. I took the blue glass bell (the one with the broken mouth & electric wiring) from under my
trench coat, unwrapped it & placed it in the sea. It turned into a blue
bottle dolphin who began to swim round & round the bay, making the most
musical sounds I had ever heard. The water soon frothed & seethed with
activity as hundreds of dolphins congregated to hear the tale of the
dolphin who had been turned into a bell & then a lamp.
One of the dolphins approached me & began to speak. I could not
understand her words so I spat into her open mouth (a trick I once The
learned from the King of Serpents). The dolphin immediately understood my
intentions & spat back into my mouth. We then kissed deeply & I became
sexually aroused. She drew me into the water & we became as one. While
we fucked, she dove deep into the sea & leapt high into the air. We both
climaxed together & lay together on the surface of the gentle sea. Other
members of her clan communicated our combined elixir from her vagina with
their tongues.
As we now spoke a common tongue, my lover asked me how I came to their
harbor & whence I was going. I told her of the crystal mountain & of the
Pharoh I hoped to find in Castle Trident. She asked if I could swim to
the island & I asked her how far away the island was from the bay. She
replied that her people went there often when men fished the shore of the
great sea (to avoid competing with them for fish). The trip usually took
her people 13 days.
I replied that I was able to swim for several hours at a time, but such
a trip was beyond my endurance. I asked her about those who live on the
island (their race, temperament, etc.) and whether they had regular
commerce with the men of this port.
She replied that the beings who lived on that central island kept to
themselves, but were not hostile to anyone. They did not fish the sea,
neither did they engage in commerce, save to deal with certain ships which
regularly brought them unusual items in return for life-restoring unguents
& potions.
Dolphin sonar does not work above water & their eyesight is poor, so
she was unable to give me much information about the race which lived on
the island. She offered to transport me there, but as I needed dry
passage for the Pharo, I declined her kind offer. I asked her if any of
the ships which traded with the island were now in port & she pointed one
out to me.
I went back to the mansion to bid my goodbyes & to seek out the old
Lord to ask him about Castle Trident. He informed me that the only way to
gain acces to the castle was to bring a rare object to trade with them.
None had ever seen the lords of Castle Trident in pepson save their
personal messengers (who appeared to be human). The messengers would not
speak of anything but the business of barter `twixt human & the keepers of
the Castle.
I asked if the keepers were honest & what kind of objects they sought.
My cousin told me that the keepers had no interest in "that which could be
purchased for gold or obtained by a common thief".
I looked for Anne, but was told that she had left with first light.
Some said that she had traveled inland, while others told me that she was
following a waking vision toward the Island in the center of the Sea.
Armed with this information, I sought out captain Diogenes of the ship Arestes' Misfortune in the tavern called the One-Eyed Trout to discuss a
plan with him which would get me to the keepers with a prize which would
enable me to bargain with them face-to-face.
Fascinating how the imagery in my dreams seem to layer one upon the
other. What began as one of those incomprehensible streams of dream images
has resolved itself into another dream in the same cycle as the other
night. I feel like I am still suspended over the cauldron of dissolution
in another part of the same dream, but my consciousness has moved to a
more active aspect of myself so that the seer can attain the motility of
the doer without giving-up the power of projecting Will into the dream
cauldron.
I note in passing that this afternoon a little neighbor girl came by
looking for her lost cat. The description matches the cat in the earlier
portion of my dream. Intriguing how time folds back on itself in such
literal ways in dreamland.
Here begins the entry in Frater OTz PTN--690/PVN's Magickal Record for
TUESDAY the 29th Day of MAY, 1984 e.v.,<JULIAN DAY No.2,445,850.06> Moon
being 29.00 Days old. [1:30pm]
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.
Time to get to my dreams.
In one dream, 0-Maku & I were looking for a cheaper house to live-in.
We were selling the apartment building & the Humm did not have its own
place in the country. 0-Maku had located a house which was within our
price range ($45,000) & wanted me to go see it soon so we could put down a purchase offer. Bill Gafney (our contractor form the apartment house)
overheard our conversation & asked 0-Maku about the location of the house.
When she described the place to him, he told us that the house had been
purchased less than a year ago by the present owner for under $3,000 &
that he had spent about $4,000 to fix it up. We were both shocked by the extremely low price. I was determined to offer $7,500 for the house &
bargain from there. Secretly, I wondered what could be wrong with the
place.
The house was very small on the outside, but inside, it was a mansion.
It was built into the side of a hill on the edge of the Long Island Sound.
Although the water was far to poluted to swim-in, it smelled fresh &
exhilirating. The bedrooms had large balconies facing the sea, with spiral concrete railings like giant snail shells. I was fascinated by a
large fireplace in a room with wrought iron doors with brass handles. It
reminded me very much of a a house I never had.
On another level, I suspected that I was dreaming. I was unable to get
to either the basement or the upper floor. One of the bedrooms was
occupied by a teenage girl who didn't bother to put any clothes on when I
came in. I jokingly asked if she came with the house & she replied that
she prefered to come with people. The real estate woman sighed & told me
that the teenage girl was a nymphomaniac ghost who was the reason for the
extremely low cost of the house, for no woman could "hold onto her man"
with "competition like this" around all the time. I turned to the spirit
of the house & asked if she were jealous if her male lovers had other relationships. She replied that she was not in the least bit possessive
or clingy, & that she had no need to compete for affections. I asked the
spirit of the house if she would be willing to show me past the illussion
which shrouded the house like a veil of cowbwebs.
She stood before me in her innocent nakedness & asked me if I knew who
she was. I replied that I did not. She picked up a quartz crystal from the table beside her bed & gently rubbed it in the dew between her legs.
She handed the crystal to me & told me to do "whatever came naturally". I
smiled at her reverentially & sniffed the crystal's electric wetness. The
scent of it made my limbs quake. I then kissed the crystal & drank in its
essence. The house & my surroundings disapeared completely.
I was standing with Adrea on the drawbridge of a large castle carved
from crystal. Before us was a delegation from the castle. They were
tall, lean, & very pale (sort of a yellowy-gray) with high domed bald
heads & skeletal hands (with exadurated digital pads). They looked at me
serenly & asked why I had come to them. I asked what they knew of the
changes in the lower Tree. They smiled serenly, nodded to one another, &
invited me to enter the castle gates. Adrea & I followed our guides into
the palace as our human companions brought in our precious cargo.
As we walked, Adrea gave me a candy to calm my nerves & focus me into
this reality. The `candy' was a small emerald which had been bathed in
the dew of her crotch. As the `candy' dissolved in my mouth, the reality
of the Crystal Castle also dissolved. I remembered (& began to re-live) my
quest for a captain & a good ship to sail me to the crystal island & the
Trident castle.
After convincing the captain that I really knew of a way to procure the
Gateway of the Cup of Dreams, we set-sail for the abandonded temple
guarded by the goat-fish & the grass of the AEons. That other aspect of
me was still suspended over the Gateway when we arrived. He dreamed of
our coming & thus made our passage easy. When we arrived, none of the ship's company would dare approach the Gateway, even though the grass
allowed our passage. They all feared the seductive nature of the Grail &
the one-way nature of that Gateway.
I went to the roof alone, & pulled my other self back from his place of
dreaming. As always, he awoke without protest & greeted me cheer- fully.
He addressed me as his uncle & asked if his cousin Sue would be joining
us. I laughed at his strange perspective as we climbed down from the roof
& approached the Grail. We called to the captain & crew to join us, but
they were still afraid. A great red bull who walked like a man came from
the fields & stood with us at the Grail. My nephew knew him as BAJ &
introduced us to each other.
All began to shift as memories tumbled over one another. I had a
difficult time sorting-out who `I' was. BAJ laughed loudly at our/my
consternation & reached into the Grail to remove a fist-sized pearl which
had floated to the surface.
He pointed at my younger self & stated "For this working, thou art AIR,
starry-eyed gazer upon the Mysteries NU. None doubt your visions, yet
most council against their too-hasty application".
He pointed at himself & continued "I am the Child of Earth, the God of
all pleasures physical. For this role have I studied hard. Let it be
hoped that the time is now as propitious as our young friend believes!"
Pointing at me, he sighed "For better or worse, thou art the Fire
Carrier of divine inspiration. Thou art lazy, obstinant & unreasonably
impractical. Thou art able to see thru the visions & fables of your
younger self," [pointing to AIR] "but (for the most part), choose not to
-- for the sake of Art! In thy hands is the power to bargain for the fate of an
AEon. Your dis-connectedness to the consequences of your actions
keeps you honest, though I do wish the task at hand permitted us to unify
our consciouness more fully. "
"And this", he stated with much ceremony, as he held up the dewy pearl,
"is our externalized Emotional self -- the unbalanced symbol for our quest
of internalized stability, and (for us) the key to an end of the cycles of AEons."
The pearl began to grow & to glow. It left the hand of Earth & took
her place at the Western Gate of Heaven. The pearl disolved in waves of
heavenly music & fragrences. Adrea (or Sue {depending on one's perspective}) became manifest among us. Together we joined hands around
the cauldron & began the spiral dance inward & outward to absorb the grail
& its contents within the fabric of our being. The viewpoint of this tale
shifted again & again. We became the gems on the rim of the Chalice of
Ecstacy. As BAJ, I channeled energies thru Jupiter at the Throne of
Daa"th. As Adria, I oversaw the mysteries of the Trident of SET from the
Throne of Binah. As my younger self, the dreamer, I wielded the energies
of Uranus, the Magus from the Throne of Chokmah. As my older self, I
channeled the fire of the Gods (Starlight focused thru Sothis onto Pluto/Yuggoth) from the Throne at
Kether. Yet, all 4 Thrones were equal.
None was `above' or `more-advanced-than' the others. These 4 thrones
formulate the rim of the Chalice of Ecstacy. From below Tiphareth, the
upper Tree appears heirarchical, but such is the illussion caused by the
gravitational distortions of Sol & our own mamallian heritage.
I know not where to take this vision. All is illussion & the more
`sense' I try to make of my images, the more I am biasing my writing with
self-generated drivvel. Semantics & theories & orderly progression of
thoughts seem lost in a sea of nonsense. I project characters outside of
myself in an effort to gain perspective, yet by being in more than one
place at once, I lose all perspective altogether. I must center.
I draw my consciousness to a point & draw it into the Challice. I am a
pearl of brass resting at the bottom of the Chalice of Ecstacy. The head
of my penis protrudes into the bowl of the cup from `below'. I am at the
center of gravity of this Tree/Chalice, hovering above Tiphareth & below
the Supernals. Venus & Mercury spin their DNA tellegraph/time- travel
around me. I am enmeshed at a locus in time, yet not bound by it.
Kenetic energy = Potential energy, & I am at the fulcrum of the Universe.
The feather of Maat spins on the pan of balance. My breath will upset the
balance. It is not my will to hold back by breath forever. I have hidden
the Logos from my conscious self so I am beyond the temptation to utter
it. I am disgruntled that I do not trust myself completely. I am tempted to just go back to sleep & forget the whole thing. Then I remember death,
pain & the regret which comes from dreams which are not permitted to come
to fruition. To often has the race of planet-borne been afraid to dream.
Such fears are all based upon the practical reali- ties of the test which
we have set-up for ourselves.
Today is a day of self-induced beffuddlement. I have broken-off the writing of this entry many times in an effort to center thru meditation.
Yet, the Work-at-Hand seems to require a splintering of consciousness
which does not lend itself to accurate reporting. My diary entry is
cannot help but be a projection of my lower ego so long as my higher self
is fragmented. But by running my c.p.u. (central processing unit) in
parallel, I gain access to the gestalt which can affect change as well as simply observe it. I run into Heisenberg's
quandry. Close observation
leads to influencing the observed phenomena. To be more to the point, how
can I mutate a framework if I am internal to that framework. If the
experimenter is not impartial, how can he keep his tinkerings impartial.
Of course, he cannot. I do seek to tinker, yet I also seek to enjoy the fruits of my
tinkerings. Unlike Moses, I seek to enter the Promised Land
as well as guide others to its gates. I am the Gate & the Guardian
thereof, yet I am also that who approaches the Gateway & the Path on which
he strideth.
I rant & I rave like a madman, yet in my madness there is a kind of
frenetic calm. I indulge in non-linear sensory overload in hopes of
finding a foot-hold in a maelstrom. I need to break from this attempt to
communicate in this record. The task of dancing round the Supernal rim of
the Chalice of Ecstacy is more than I can presently handle. I must shift
that task out of linear Space/Time so I do not become so beffuddled at my alternating perspectives.
I focus my conscioussness as Hadit, wearing the Godform of a brass
marble spinning round the rim of the Chalice of Ecstacy. I will it to
slow down & drop to the bottom of the cup. An aspect of me comes to rest
at center, yet other aspects of me continue to dance round the rim. I
shall bury my head in some computer math books & then try to get some
sleep. I shall report again when I am more collected.
Love is the law, love under will.
Here ends the entry in the Magickal Record of Frater OTz PTN-690/PVN for WEDNESDAY, the 30th Day of MAY, 1984
e.v., [3:45am] Being the 9th Day of ATHYR, Year 4,753 (Sothic reckoning)
finis.
* * *
Here begins the entry in Frater OTz PTN--690/PVN's Magickal Record for
THURSDAY, the 31th Day of MAY, 1984 e.v.,<JULIAN DAY No.2,445,851.56> Moon
being 00.97 Days old. [1:30am]
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.
Strange convolutions yesterday. I am much more centered in the here-&-now today. Peraps some words of explanation are in order here (although I
must admit that I am tempted to simply delete yesterday's entry & invoke
the Godform of Harpocrates!).
The initiatory cycle which I am currently working in pertains to a
Grade which I am not really able to manifest yet. The formulae which are
spin-offs from the Working are communicable to all & are applicable to the
here-&-now. But when I attempt to tap-into the initiatory process itself,
I become lost (un-sane), especially when attempting to be both `in my
body' as a witness to the event & `up the planes' where the initiatory
cycle is actually occurring. It is very difficult for me to be an
`objective' reporter, when the initiation is occurring in an arena where
objects (such as myself) do not really exist & even the act of observation
itself becomes an impedement to the smooth flow of the Working. Rather
than attempt accurate `reporting' on what transpires (or will transpire)
during that initiatory cycle, let me simply mention one of its more
disturbing (to me anyway) corolaries.
Whether my observations are valid within the context of this AEonic
formula, I know not. Suffice to say that if/when the Chalice of Ecstacy
is functioning properly. the upper realms of the Tree (Kether, Chokmah,
Binah, & Daa"th)cease to behave like seperate entities & become much more
like self-reinforcing energy fields (perhaps like Nuit's "non-atomic
continuity"). Distinctions in Time/Space/Heirarchy become very blurred.
The Offices associated with these Spheres are co-valent rather than
distinct thrones in a heirerarchal structure.
From my limited perspective I experienced each Office as one of the 4
elements of the God-level self, yet the attributions to the elements are
not discrete. Any system of attribution is just as valid as any other.
They all work, yet none of them works fully without the others. When the
Chalice of Ecstasy is functioning, one cannot assume the Grade of Master, without also assuming the other 3 Grades as well. To be both dispersed in
`the Abyss' & functioning as an Ipsissimus is difficult for me to imagine
(much less put into words) from my `in-body' perspective. Yet, I know
that such is but a small part of the apparent contradictions which I must
resolve if I am to reify this initiatory cycle into my present nexus of
Space/Time/Alternity. In some ways, I wish I felt I had sufficient
`balance' to bring psychedelics to this Working. But I do not. There are
times (like now) that I am glad that I have had the past-experience of such drugs, but I also know that their application is not universal. I am
like a spinning top -- I am able to whirl faster & faster only in so far
as I am able to maintain balance.
finis.
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